Dear Portfolio Readers,

My name is Melanie Vargas, and at the age of 35 I have decided to go back to college. As if that wasn’t intimidating enough, I notice that English 101  is first on my course list for the Spring semester. Now the anxiety kicks in as I think of punctuations, nouns, pronouns, adjectives, and so on. In high school I was average, at best, in English and the thought of college level English really scared me. Much to my surprise this course was nothing what I expected it to be. Instead it was all about writing different forms of essays and learning the process of writing a great essay. I must admit I was still a little nervous about this course, but I was also excited to explore who I was as a writer. I never really considered myself a writer but I was very intrigued to find out if I could be.

The First essay I chose to share with you today is my Ethnography. This essay forced me to not only pay attention to my surroundings when visiting with my uncle at the nursing home, but also to evaluate my process of writing. I began this process first by just jotting down different details that I noticed while walking the halls within the nursing home. I would then go home and try to make a story out of those details I observed that day. I tried to tell it in such a way that the reader would feel and see exactly what I did in that moment. My rough draft seemed to lack detail and just didn’t portray what I was trying to show to the reader. Over the next week or so with several visits to see my uncle, I felt that I now had exactly what I needed to accomplish my goal for this essay. I sat down with all of my notes and composed what I believe to be a great ethnography. I am most proud of the process I took while writing this essay, from jotted details all the way to final draft, I achieved my goal. I hope you enjoy reading this essay just as much as I enjoyed writing it.

Next, I decided to include my memoir. This essay is the closest to my heart and was actually the most difficult for me to write. Not only was it our very first assignment, but also very personal, which I wasn’t used to writing about. In this essay I describe the day that I finally told my best friend that I wanted to be more than friends. It was a very special day for me and I was excited to be able to share it through my words. I enjoyed having to sit down and remember all the details of that day and basically relive it while writing this essay. At the same time it was challenging to write it in such a way that the reader would experience that day along with me. My rough draft was dull, to say the least. I wasn’t discouraged though, remembering that this is the first essay I have had to write in a very long time. I then wrote about three more rough drafts, then finally a final draft came out of all my hard work. I liked that it gave me a chance to show my ability to go from such a dense rough draft to a vividly detailed final draft. This was definitely a very fun essay to write. Please enjoy a special day in my life while reading my Memoir.

Finally, I chose my text wrestling essay as the third entry in my portfolio. For this essay I read and summarized an article about the stress of parenting, and also did some research on the same topic. I specifically chose this article because I do not have children of my own and it was very interesting to me to see just how stressed parents can be. Even though I can’t really relate to the topic, this article had me wanting to learn more. This led me to searching for other pieces of work that had been written on the same topic. I was surprised to find out just how big of  a topic stress among parents actually was. Not only was it an issue between parents, but also nonparents seemed to be getting in on the conversations. Overall, I was excited about writing this essay and sharing everything I had learned on the subject through the summary of this article. I especially enjoyed exploring my ability to pick out the main points of an article and putting it all into my words.

Throughout this semester I have definitely learned a lot about myself as a writer. In our first class the professor asked us who we were as writers and my answer was that I wasn’t a writer at all. As I prepared my portfolio I was thinking what I would say if she asked me again on the last day of class. I believe that I have definitely grown as a writer over the semester, I definitely learned more about the process of writing, but, who am I as a writer? I am a writer who enjoys sharing with her reader, who lives in her stories, and who puts a lot of thought into everything she writes. I guess you can say I am an emotional writer, or  maybe a novice emotional writer would be more accurate.  Either way I have enjoyed the journey of college writing.

Thank You For Your Time,

Melanie Vargas

 

As I am on my way to visit my Uncle Ken at his new residence, Kimwell Nursing Home, I can’t help but think of all the great memories I have of him. We would spend every Easter with him and my Aunt Mabel at their house, as a whole family. My two sisters and I would take a nice picture with Uncle Ken every year. He was always a very happy, lively man who loved to joke around with us kids. Unfortunately my aunt passed away and my uncle was now left alone and he was really feeling that loneliness. I tried my best along with the rest of my family to take care of him a his own, but as he got older, now 96, it became obvious that he needed more than what we could give him. Now, I am going to visit him in this place that isn’t his home, but will be his second home.

As I walk towards the huge brick building, I notice all the beautiful flowers that are spread out around the front lawn. There is a large pathway that leads to the grand staircase at the entrance of Kimwell. As soon as I enter the building, there is a very nice lady sitting at a little desk who greets me with a happy “Hello”. Behind her is a table with a big book on it and a clock on the wall above it. That big book is where we have to “sign in” with our name, who we are there to visit, and the time we are entering. As I walk through the glass doors and towards my Uncle Ken’s room, I pass the area where the staff is usually doing all their work. It is a very large open area with a long counter running the length of the space at the front of it. They always seem very busy. Some of them are on the phone, while others are looking through folders of papers. I assume they are reading information on some of the residents charts.

I proceed down the hallway, which is lighted with horrible florescent bulbs, to see if my uncle is in his room. Along the way I pass a few of the resident rooms and notice that each door has the name of whoever is staying in that room, as well as a few personal touches. One room has a paper cutout of a heart with four names on it that seemed to be done by someone’s grandchildren. Another door had a big four-leaf clover on it, must be an Irish person in there. Of course when I reach my uncle’s room he is not there. He loves to just wander the halls in his wheelchair, so now I must walk around to track him down. As I walk down the hall, I hear a group of people that sound like they’re having a great time in one of the big sitting rooms. I decide to take a peak in and discover about ten people sitting on aluminum chairs, positioned in a circle. They are all tossing a ball around and whenever someone caught it they would all yell, “YEAH!” I assume it was for physical therapy and that with each catch they were gaining strength. The man in charge of this group seemed to really care about each person there, he was cheering right along with all of them and using words of encouragement with each toss. “Way to Go, JOE! Nice Catch, MARY!” he yells as they pass and catch the ball. It’s nice to see such a happy, lively group in here.

I continue down the hallway and spot my uncle at the other end of it making a U-turn to continue his laps around the floor. He sees me and I get that smile I look forward to seeing everyday. As always he asks me how my boyfriend, Jason, is doing and if he is taking good care of me. He is in this strange place with strange faces and all he ever cares about is if we are all alright. “H is great as always, Uncle Ken,” I tell him. We continue on our walk of the halls and as some of the nurses pass they always say, “There’s Kenny with that big smile.” After making almost two laps around the first floor, I notice that the staff has begun to prepare lunch for the residents.

There seems to be four staff members that handle the task of handing out lunch. They each have trays full of food stacked on top of each other within a huge aluminum rack on wheels, waiting to serve their residents. At this time some of the residents choose to eat together in the large dining area, while others prefer t eat in their rooms. My uncle always eats in his room, so I wheel him back there, and get him ready for lunch. While he was eating I walked down to the dining area to observe the residents on there. The “dining area” actually only consist of six large circular tables with about twelve aluminum chairs around each one. This room also has that horrible florescent lighting like the rest of the building. There are a few signs on the walls that announce different activities that will be going on during the week there. One of them says, “Watch The Rosary Here Today at 2pm.” While another just says, “FUN TIME 4-5pm”. The residents in here all seem so happy. Laughing and joking around, while the staff  hands out the trays of food. The staff seem to have a great relationship with every resident there. As they are handing out the food, they have a nice conversation with the residents, almost like they are talking to their own parents. It is very nice to see how much they care. While the residents in the dining area eat their lunch, they are also sharing stories of family members that have been to visit them this week. Some talk about their children, others their grandchildren, and some even great-grandchildren. It is nice to hear these people aren’t just tossed in here and forgotten. their families still care just as mine does about Uncle Ken. Everyone seems to be finishing up their lunches so I decide to head back to my uncle’s room.

when I reach his door I notice that his “roommate” has also decided to eat lunch in their room. They each have their own TV that sits on top of their personal dresser. My uncle is closest to the window, and he has many cards, as well as a beautiful bouquet of flowers sitting on the window sill. On the side of the window there is a small cork board where he has pictures of all my nieces and nephews hanging up. Above that board is a big American Flag, with a very nice certificate given to him by the US ARMY for his service in WWII hanging on the wall just beside the flag. On his roommate’s side I notice a nice big framed picture of him and I assume, his wife, hanging above his bed. He also has a cork board on the wall next to his bed that has a few cards tacked to it. they both just sit there eating their food and don’t speak a single word to each other, a big difference from the dining area. My uncle finishes his lunch and f course he wants to get back to his rounds. So, here we go again. I walk on the side of his wheelchair as he wheels himself up and down the halls. As we reach the end of the hall, we run into one of the other residents who seems to know my uncle. he says, “Hey Kenny, What’s up today?”. My uncle responds with just a little chuckle, a nod, and a smile, then carries on with his daily route around the halls.

Unfortunately, I must leave him now as I have a class to get to. “Uncle Ken, I have to go to school, but I will check in on you soon. Do you need anything before I leave?” I asked. he replies, “Nope.”. Then he gives me one of those smiles I always love to see and says, “Make sure that boyfriend of yours takes care of you.” “I will Uncle Ken, I will..” I bend down to give him a kiss and then head back out to my car. Another day of walking with Uncle Ken will come tomorrow.

It was a beautiful morning, the birds were chirping, and the sun was shining. I had the day off from work and was enjoying it by relaxing outside on a blanket, listening to the radio. Normally, this would be a very relaxing time, but on this particular morning I had a lot on my mind. Over the past few months I had developed feelings for my best friend, and roommate, Jason. I had gone through a horrible breakup and he was there for me. Whether it was as a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to me, or the voice that encouraged me everyday, he was there. Even before this time Jason has always been such a great friend to me, always so caring with his huge heart. He is also very strong, as he has had to go through many obstacles in his short life. From losing his brother to suicide, to finding out he had Cancer while serving for our country over in Iraq, Jason always kept a positive attitude and never lost that loving, caring spirit he has. Most important, we have always been there for each other and we made it through many hard times together as friends. But now I am looking at him in a different way, not just as a friend. I was beginning to have feelings for him, I just wasn’t sure what these feelings were or if  I should do anything about them.

As our friendship grew so did these feelings and I knew they were real, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him in it. So now here I am on this blanket preparing to tell my best friend that I am falling in love with him. I begin to think of what I am going to say to Jason. How do you tell this to your best friend? My mind was blank. All I could hear was my neighbor’s lawn mower as he tried to get it started. I raised my head to glance over at him and I could help but wonder what he would say if he were in my situation. Would it just be easy for him, or would he be struggling with words just as I am right now? I lay my head down on the blanket and close my eyes. I had to try and relax. Jason is my best friend and it has always been so easy to talk to him, why was this moment any different? “Just tell him how you feel,” I continue to tell myself as I waited for Jason to return home.

The wait seemed like forever. On one hand I was excited to tell him about my feelings for him, on the other hand how was this going to effect our relationship? What would I do if I lost my best friend? I am sure that having all this time to contemplate my thoughts was making the situation worse than it should be. I couldn’t relax at all as I have so many thoughts running through my head. “Am I going to ruin our friendship? Can best friends make that transition into lovers and survive? Does he even have the same feelings for me?” I asked myself. just then I hear Survivor on the radio. “The search is over. You were with me all the while.” They were right. My search WAS over. I was ready to tell Jason just how I feel. He pulls into the driveway after being at the gym all morning. I watched as he stepped out of his Jeep and began walking towards me. I could tell he had just taken a shower because his hair was still wet. He looked so good to me at that moment and my heart began t palpitate I tried to convince myself that everything was going to be fine, that I was doing the right thing.

He made it over to the blanket and sat down on the corner of it. Now my heart was thumping so hard that I as sure he could hear it. My mind was racing as I searched for the right words. My whole body felt like Jell-O. What happened next I could have never imagined. before I could even get a single word out, it happened. Jason leaned in to me and just kissed me. It was wonderful. My mind was now empty and my body felt like it was on cloud nine. Apparently we had been asking ourselves the same questions, and having the same feelings for each other. On that day I instantly fell in love with my best friend and I continue to love him today. It definitely didn’t ruin our friendship, if anything it has made it stronger. May 1, 2007 will always be a special day for us. two best friends finding love in each other doesn’t happen every day, but we are a few of the lucky ones.

 

The stress of parenting has been a topic of conversation for many generations of parents. As a non-parent myself though, I was surprised at how many different factors can actually cause stress among parents. The article I chose for this essay was most interesting to me for many reasons. Not only do we learn the different varieties of stress within parents, but also possible ways of avoiding stress as a  parent. There seems to be many studies done on this subject and the results were definitely interesting to me as well.

In, “All Joy and No Fun,” author Jennifer senior discusses how parenting can cause more stress than expected on parents. Senior states that although most people think having children will make them happier, there are plenty of studies that show the opposite it actually true. These studies compare those with children to those without children with respect to stress levels. Most of the studies showed that parents were more stressed and depressed than non-parents. Senior says of these studies, “As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns.”

Senior begins by sharing different types of research that has been done on causes of stress on parents. Some studies show that past generations had less stress because children were viewed as assets and childbearing wasn’t a choice, it was just something women did. As modern technology grew, it also produced many new factors that caused more stress on parents. With now having the choice of when, if, and how many, when it comes to having children, parents have more stress. When parents wait until later in life to have children they know what they’re giving up and set higher expectations on themselves as parents which also causes more stress.

Some of the research also shows that where a family lives determines the amount of stress the parents had. Some factors that affected the stress levels were the economic stability of the country, the welfare system, and the overall culture of a country. However, even in countries that prospered in all of these aspects, mothers still had the stress of feeling like their children took all the joy out of every other part of their lives. All of these factors can put a huge strain on even the strongest of relationships. Overall, parenting can cause many different types of stress to each the mother, father, and child within a family.

A few of these studies also show that fathers have their own kind of stress. Fathers tend to work long hours so they feel like they never have enough time to spend with their children. Also, fathers who are divorced have even less time with their children due to “shared time”. Ultimately, this causes the fathers to feel unhappy or even depressed at time.

Senior finishes her article by sharing a few studies that were done on the reward of parenting. These studies made parents look at the whole picture of parenting and not just how they feel at one particular moment. The research showed that although some moments may cause stress on parents, the end goal brought on happiness, joy, and gratitude. If only parents could concentrate on what the end goal will be, rather than an intense moment, maybe the stress levels of parenting wouldn’t be so great.

After reading this article, as a non-parent, I come to realize how much stress parents actually have. My mom stayed at home and raised three girls, while my dad worked. I can only imagine the stresses they had while raising us. Somehow they were always there for the important moments and I am sure that wasn’t easy, along with all the other stresses of parenting. This article has definitely made me look at my parents in a whole new light. I was also surprised to read that mothers who wait until later in life to have children actually seem to have more stress, most of which is brought on by their own expectations. Being a 35 year old non-parent myself, this study was most intriguing to me. Senior’s writing made it easy to place myself in the study and really relate to it. She also did a great job of informing me as a reader how all the different aspects of life and your surroundings can cause such great stress on families.

I especially enjoyed the last few studies that focus more on the reward of parenting, and how just paying attention to the moment could actually help with stress levels. In an article titled, “This Is Supposed To Be Fun,” by Bernadette Noll, we get to see just how being in the moment can change the experience as a whole, for the better. A mom was taking her daughter shopping for her birthday dinner ingredients. Unfortunately, instead of being in that moment, the mom was cranky and thinking of all the other work that had to be done. She obviously didn’t realize she was doing this until her daughter began to cry. When mom asks why she’s crying, the daughter says, “This is supposed to be fun and you’re ruining it because you’re so stressed.” Well, if that’s not a rude awakening then I don’t know what is. Once the mom realized what she had been doing, she turned her attitude completely around and concentrated on the moment with her daughter. they ended up having a great day together. That was a great example of the reward of parenting and being in the moment.

 

 

WORKS CITED

Noll, Bernadette. “This Is Supposed To Be Fun.”  The Huffington Post.

TheHuffingtonPost.com, 08 Nov. 2013. Web. 7 Apr. 2014.

Senior, Jennifer. “All Joy and No Fun.”  New York Magazine,  4 July 2010. Web. 12 Mar. 2014.