I am thinking of doing my research paper on the pros and cons of a stay at home parent vs two working parents. I have been doing some research just online for now but found a couple of books I may read on the subject also. Personally, I relate to this topic by the fact that my Mom was able to stay home with us girls while my Dad worked. Some photos I could use would be of different field trips for school that my Mom was able to chaperone or vacations we were able to go on during school vacations. Then maybe also use an outside source to show children at daycare because their parents have to work or maybe of a parent at work with pictures of children on desk. Just thinking out loud here…..many ideas running through my head, just hope I am on the right track of what you’re looking for.

In, “All Joy and No Fun,” author Jennifer Senior discusses how parenting can cause more stress than expected on parents. Senior begins by sharing with the readers a stressful situation between herself and her son, that ended with him in a time-out, and her searching for alcohol. She states that although most people think having children will make them happier, there are plenty of studies that show the opposite is really true. These studies compare those with children to those without children with respect to stress levels. Most of the studies showed that parents were more stressed and depressed than non-parents. Senior says of these studies, “As a rule, most studies show that mothers are less happy than fathers, that single parents are less happy still, that babies and toddlers are the hardest, and that each successive child produces diminishing returns.”

Senior continues to share different research done on causes of stress on parents. Past generations had less stress because children were viewed as assets and childbearing wasn’t a choice, it was just something you did. As modern technology grew it also produced many factors that caused more stress for parents. With now having the choice of when, if, and how many, when it comes to having children, parents have more stress. When parents wait until later in life to have children they know what they’re giving up and set higher expectations on themselves as parents which also causes more stress.

Some of the research also showed that depending on where the family lived determined the amount of stress the parents had. Some factors that affected the stress levels were the economic stability of the country, the welfare system, and the overall culture of a country. Although, even in countries that prospered in all of these aspects, mothers still had the stress of feeling like their children took all the joy out of every other part of their lives. Fathers, on the other hand, felt like they never had enough time for their children. All of this stress puts a huge strain on even the strongest of relationships. Overall, many different aspects of parenting can cause many parents to become very unhappy and even depressed at times.

Senior finishes her article by sharing a few studies that were done on the reward of parenting. These studies made parents look at the whole picture of parenting and not just how you feel at one particular moment. The research showed that although some moments may cause stress on the parents, the outcome brought on happiness, joy, and gratitude. If only parents could concentrate on the further good rather than an intense moment, maybe the stress levels of parenting wouldn’t be so great.

Senior, Jennifer. “All Joy and No Fun.” Nymag.com. New York Magazine, 4 July 2010. Web. 12 Mar. 2014.

As I am on my way to visit my Uncle Ken at his new residence, Kimwell Nursing Home, I can’t help but think of all the great memories I have of him. We would spend every Easter with him & my Aunt Mabel at their house, and my 2 sisters and I took a nice picture with Uncle Ken every year. He was always a very happy, lively man who loved to joke around with us kids.Unfortunately my aunt passed away & my uncle was now lonely. I tried my best along with the rest of my family to take care of him at home, but as he got older,now 96, it became obvious that he needed more than what we could give him. Now, I am gong to visit him in this place that isn’t his home & definitely doesn’t feel like home.

As I walk towards the building I always get on overwhelming feeling of sadness. I hate that my uncle has to be in here & that he has lost all that happiness he once had inside of him. I can’t even imagine how it feels to have to sell almost everything you ever owned & move into a strange place, with strange faces everywhere. I always think he feels like we just gave up on him, but that couldn’t be further from the truth. He needed the help that only a skilled facility could provide.

I finally get into the building & as soon as I enter there is a man sitting at a little desk, with a big book in front of him. That big book is where we have to “sign in” with our name, who we are there to visit, & the time we are entering. It makes this place feel more like a jail than anything else. It definitely doesn’t help the guilt of having my uncle in here to begin with. As I walk through the glass doors and towards my Uncle Ken’s room, I pass the big glass windows where the staff is usually doing all their work. None of them ever even look up to acknowledge a visitor,makes the visits even more depressing. These are the people my uncle spends everyday with now.

Of course when I reach my uncle’s room he is not there. He loves to just wander the halls in his wheelchair,so now I must walk around to track him down. As I walk down the hall I hear a group of people that sound like their having a great time in one of the big sitting rooms. I decide to peak in & discover about 10 people sitting on aluminum chairs, positioned in a circle. They were all tossing a ball around & whenever someone caught it they would yell, “yeah!”. I assume it was for physical therapy and with each catch they were getting stronger. The man in charge of this group seemed to really care about each person there, as he cheered every time the ball was caught. It’s nice to see such a happy, lively group in this big brick jungle.

I continue down the hall and spot my uncle at the end of the hall making a u-turn to continue his laps around the floor. He sees me and I get a little smile from him. Nothing like the huge smiles I got every morning when I was at his house taking care of him. He seems to have lost his spirit. As always he asks me how my boyfriend, Jason, is doing and if he is taking good care of me. He is in this strange place with strange faces and all he ever cares about is if we are all alright. Of course this doesn’t help the guilt of him having to be here at all. We continue on our walk of the halls and as some of the nurses pass they always say,”There’s Kenny with that big smile.” If they only knew how much bigger that smile used to be.

After making almost two laps around the 1st floor, I notice that the staff has begun to prepare lunch for the patients. At this time some of the patients choose to eat together in the large dining area, while others prefer to eat in their rooms. My uncle always eats in his room so I wheel him to his room and get him ready for lunch. While he was eating I walked down to the dining area to observe the patients in there. They all seem like best friends. Laughing & joking around, while the staff hands out the trays of food. The staff seem to have great relationships with every patient there. As they are handing out the food, each one has a nice conversation with the patients, almost like they are talking to their own parents. It is very nice to see that some people do care. I wish my uncle would interact more with others there, but he just seems to have lost his spirit. While the residents in the dining area eat their lunch they are also sharing stories of family members that have been to visit them that week. Some talk about their children, others grandchildren, and some even great-grandchildren. It is nice to hear these people aren’t just tossed in here and forgotten. Their families still care just as mine does about my Uncle Ken.Everyone seems to be finishing up their lunches so I decide to head back to my uncle’s room.

When I reach his door I notice that his “roommate” has also decided to eat lunch in the room. They both just sit there eating their food and don’t speak a single word to each other, big difference from the dining area. My uncle finishes his lunch and of course wants to get back to his rounds. So, here we go again. I walk on the side of his wheelchair as he wheels himself up and down the halls. As we reach the end of the hall we run into one of the other residents who seems to know my uncle. He says,”Hey Kenny,what’s up today?”. My uncle responds with just a little chuckle, a nod, and a smile, then carries on his daily route around the halls.

Unfortunately, I must leave him now as I have a class to get to. “Uncle Ken, I have to go to school, but I will check in on you soon. Do you need anything before I leave?”, I asked. He replies, “Nope.”. Then gives me one of those smiles I always love to see and says “Make sure that boyfriend of yours takes care of you.”   “I will, Uncle Ken, I will. Have a great evening.” I bend down to give him a kiss and then head back out to my car. Never a good feeling when I leave him there. I just hope & pray that the staff cares for him as much as we all do. Another day walking with Uncle Ken will come tomorrow. Until then I must go on with my daily life. He is always on my mind though.

“How to Save Marriage in America” by Richard V. Reeves

In this article there are three different types of marriages compared to each other  and discusses the pros and cons of each one. There is the traditional marriage that seems to be less common these days. Then he discusses the romantic marriage, which can work but sometimes the foundation isn’t strong enough to last. Finally, there is the HIP marriage that seems to be more relevant in recent years, and also concentrates more on the children in the family. Overall, I found all of his research & findings to be very interesting. I really enjoyed his style of writing, and how he used many other studies to support his findings.

Reeves, Richard V. “How to Save Marriage in America.” The Atlantic. The Atlantic Media Company, 13 Feb. 2014. Web. 06 Mar. 2014

“Not the Same or Different: A Better Way to Look at LGBT-headed Families” by Melinda Blau

This article discusses what differences,if any, there are between a LGBT family and a heterosexual family. It just so happens that I am best friends with one of the wonderful men in the family discussed here,Michael Milano. I enjoyed how Melinda really got both Michael’s & Greg’s personality and their sense of family in her writing. It’s interesting to read how the one discrimination they seem to face more than others, is gender. Why is it that two women walking with their children is more acceptable than two men doing the same thing? She also discusses how a LGBT couple is freer to chose who does what in their daily routine based on personality and preference, rather than gender. This was very interesting to me as I had never thought of it like that. I guess LGBT families do have some differences from a heterosexual family but in all we are all equal and we all have the same foundation to build off of. Overall I feel that Melinda really did my friends and their beautiful family very proud. I know that I am very proud of the great man, husband, and father my longtime friend Michael has become. I hope you all enjoy this article as much as I did, as it is very clse to my heart.

Blau, Melinda. “Not the Same or Different: A Better Way to Look at LGBT-headed Families.”Huffpost Gay Voices. TheHuffingtonPost.com, 28 Feb. 2014. Web. 03 Mar. 2014.

“Why Marry?”

I chose this article because of the title, and how I ask that question myself. It was interesting to see how more and more women these days are choosing not to “settle down”. I was also surprised to read that women who are married are more likely to file for divorce than a man is. I really enjoyed this article, and can’t wait to read all the articles mentioned.

It was a beautiful morning, the birds were chirping, and the sun was shining. I had the day off from work and was enjoying it by laying outside on a blanket, listening to the radio. Normally, this would be a very relaxing time but on this particular morning I had a lot on my mind. Over the past few months I had developed feelings for my best friend, and roommate, Jason. I had gone through a horrible breakup and he was there for me. Whether it was as a  shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen to me, or the voice that encouraged me everyday, he was there. During this time I found myself thinking of him when I wasn’t with him, and feeling like the luckiest girl in the world when I was with him. I was starting to have feelings for him, I just wasn’t sure what these feelings were or if I should do anything about them. As our friendship grew so did these feelings and I knew they were real and that I couldn’t imagine my life without him. So now here I am laying on this blanket preparing to tell my best friend that I am falling in love with him. As I lay here I think of what I am going to say to Jason. How do you tell this to your best friend? My Mind was blank. All I could hear was my neighbor’s lawn mower as he tried to get it started. I raised my head to glance over at him and I couldn’t help but wonder what he would say if he were in my situation. Would it just be easy for him, or would he be struggling with words just as I am right now? I had all these questions but no answers. I lay my head back down on the blanket and close my eyes. I had to try and relax. Jason is my best friend and it has always been so easy to talk to him, why should this be any different? “Just tell him how you feel,” I continued to tell myself as I waited for Jason to return home.

The wait seemed like forever. On one hand I was excited to tell him about my feelings for him, but on the other hand I was nervous about the affect it would have on our friendship. What would I do if I lost my best friend? I am sure that having all this time to contemplate my thoughts was making the situation worse than it should be. I can’t relax at all as I have so many thoughts running through my head. ” Am I going to ruin our friendship? Can best friends make that transition into lovers & survive? Does he even have the same feelings for me?”I asked myself. Just then I hear Survivor on the radio, “The search is over. You were with me all the while.” They were right. My search WAS over. I was ready to tell Jason just how I feel. He pulls in the driveway after being at the gym all morning. I watched as he stepped out of his Jeep and began walking towards me. I could tell he had just taken a shower because his hair was sill wet. He looked so good to me at that moment and my heart began to palpitate. I tried to convince myself that everything was going to be fine, that I was doing the right thing.

He made it over to the blanket and sat down on the corner of it. Now my heart was thumping so hard that I was sure he could hear it. My mind was racing as I searched for the right words. My whole body felt like Jell-O. What happened next I could have never imagined. Before I could even get a single word out, it happened. Jason leaned in to me and just kissed me. It was wonderful. My mind was now empty and my body felt like it was on cloud nine. Apparently we had been asking ourselves the same questions, and having the same feelings for each other. On that day I instantly fell in love with my best friend and I continue to love him today. It definitely didn’t ruin our friendship, if anything it has made it stronger. May 1, 2007 will always be a special day to us. Two best friends finding love in each other doesn’t happen every day, but we are a few of the lucky ones.

“The Love of My Life” by Cheryl Strayed

I chose this article mainly because of the title. As I began reading it wasn’t what I expected at all. Cheryl starts out by talking about how she cheated on her husband & then continues with the death of her mother. I found her style of writing to actually be quite confusing to me as a reader. She seems to jump from one topic to another in the following paragraph. I feel that all of page 1 should’ve actually been page 2 or even deleted all together. The paragraph on page 2 where she begins to talk about her mother could’ve been the beginning paragraph on page 1. It was hard for me to figure out what story she was trying to get across to the reader. Was it her marriage, her mother’s death, her relationship with her mother or how self destructive she was? She never really had me feeling any type of emotion while reading because she was jumping from one thought to another as the story went on. It was very hard to follow her train of thought as she never stuck to one topic. Overall I felt she was telling three different stories & maybe if she just stuck to one story I would’ve been able to connect with the story better. So in conclusion, as the title was what drew me in I wasn’t quite sure who “The Love of Her Life” was that she referred to. Was it her husband, her mother, or maybe even herself?

Strayed, Cheryl. “The Love Of My Life.” The Sun Magazine | The Love Of My Life. The Sun Magazine, Sept. 2002. Web. 03 Mar. 2014.

Everything Happens for a Reason. This has always been one of my favorite sayings and has helped me get through many difficult times in my life. Although there have been a few times in my life when I just couldn’t see any reason why certain things were happening to me. One of these times occurred just over 7 years ago, and had me questioning everything I thought I knew.

I was only 28 years old and felt very “content” in the way my life was going. I had been dating my childhood sweetheart for almost 8 years at the time and even though I never really felt I was as happy as I could be, I thought that was where I belonged. We both made good money working for Verizon, our families had known each other forever since we grew up in the same neighborhood and we had been friends for as long as I could remember. What else could I need in life? Well, I would soon find out that not only did I need more but I deserved more.

I remember the day so vividly. It started out as a normal day for me but I would soon be looking for reasons. I was working split shifts at the time so I had already worked 4 hours and was home for a bit until I went back at 6pm. As always my boyfriend stopped by around 3:30 after work but today he seemed different. I was sitting on my couch watching TV as he walked in. He could barely look at me and stayed standing in the living room doorway. “What’s going on?” I asked. Very softly he replies, “I don’t know where to begin.” “What are you talking about?” I pried. “Mel, I am just not in love with you.”, he barely spits out. My mind went blank as I couldn’t understand why or how this happened. I didn’t, or couldn’t , say anything to him. The next sound I heard was the outside door closing behind him as he left me crying by myself on the couch. At the time I was thinking that the love of my life had just walked out that door & I was wondering, What reason could there be for this to happen to me? My favorite saying now seemed so trivial.

During my time of heartbreak all of my closest friends were there for me, especially my roommate, Jason. Jason was not only my roommate & a good friend to me but he was also my now ex-boyfriend’s best friend. Despite that fact he was always there for me from day one. Whether he was the shoulder for me to cry on, the ear to listen to me, or the voice asking me how I was doing that day, He was there. Although all I wanted to do was curl up into a ball & disappear he wouldn’t let me. He made sure I still made it to my weekly poker games with friends and took me for hikes with him at Fort Barton. During these nice long hikes I got to clear my mind & we talked about everything from family to past relationships & everything in between. I started to look forward to these hikes and feeling better about myself. Jason always listened and made me feel like he actually cared about what I was saying, something my ex never did. I honestly don’t know how I would’ve got through those first few weeks if not for Jason. He literally dragged me back to reality & made me see that I deserved much more than just being “content”.

As the weeks went on I continued going to my weekly poker games with friends and my now almost daily hikes with Jason but something was different. I was thinking of Jason while at those poker games and smiling from ear to ear while on those hikes. “What is this feeling?” I had to ask myself as I had never felt this happy before. I thought this feeling only exists in movies. “Could it just be a deep appreciation for everything he has done for me as a great friend?” I think to myself. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling but I surely wasn’t going to do anything about it and risk our friendship. So I ignored it, for now.

Jason & I continued our hikes and were learning more and more about each other every day. He was such a man’s man but somehow still sensitive enough to make me feel so special. He made sure to compliment me every chance he got and always asked me how my day was going, something I never got from anyone else before. Jason was opening my eyes in a whole new light. Even bigger than I could ever imagine.

We both love to laugh & to make each other laugh whenever possible and apparently Jason had also been thinking of me while I was at my weekly poker games because he gave me some of my best laughs on those nights. One Saturday night I came home from poker to find what else but my favorite late night junk food, a soft taco, on my pillow! “This kid cracks me up!”, I laugh out loud with a huge smile. He was thinking of me. “What is this feeling?”, I found myself asking again.

The following Saturday, after yet another poker game, I find another present on my pillow…. The Marilyn Monroe edition of Playboy! “Oh My Goodness this Guy is Too Much!!” I shouted as I crack up with laughter. From the other room I hear a faint chuckle. “Jason? What the heck is this?” I ask while holding up the magazine, still cracking up. “I wanted to share my most prized possession with you. Don’t you like it?”, he says with a serious face. “Yes, just as much as the taco last week, Weirdo!” We both laughed and retreated to our separate bedrooms. As I lay in bed I can’t help but think about what these feelings are I was having for Jason. Was it just a great friendship or something else? I wasn’t used to getting so many compliments or laughing so much with someone so I was confused on how or what I was supposed to feel.

Over the next few months I found that Jason & I were spending more and more time together & I had never been so Happy in my life. Had I found the reason why the break-up happened? Finally I decided to confront my feelings and talk to Jason. I also remember this day so vividly as it was a huge turning point in my life.Talking to Jason had always been so easy but on this day the words just didn’t want to come out. “What do I say? Am I going to ruin the best friendship I ever had? Don’t think Mel just do it!!” I convinced myself.

I had the day off from work and was laying out in the sun. Jason had just returned from the gym and joined me on the blanket I was sunbathing on. “Now is your chance,” I thought to myself, but before I could say anything Jason leaned over & gave me the best first kiss ever! Right then & there I realized I had found my reason. I had never actually known what love was until this moment. I always thought “content” was enough but Jason showed me that I could & should have more.

From that moment on the blanket in our yard 7 years ago to this very day Jason has showed me what it means to Love & to be Loved. I still believe that Everything happens for a reason even though sometimes  that reason isn’t so clear at first. Although I did have to go through some pain first, I am so glad that my reason was right in front of me the whole time and that reason was Jason, my True Love. As strange as it sounds I actually thank my ex-boyfriend for ending things when he did & for making me find my soul mate. To this day we are actually all still friends & Jason still makes me feel like the most important person in the world everyday. EVERYTHING HAPPENS FOR A REASON………..

“All The Single Ladies” by Kate Bolick

In this article Kate writes about her choices in life that have brought her to be a 38 year old Single Lady. Also how in the recent times marriage isn’t as important in relationships as it used to be. I chose this article because I can relate with her in many ways. I am a 36 year old woman who has been in a serious relationship for 7 years now & marriage isn’t even a thought at this time in my life. I am not sure if this is a choice I made myself or if past relationships have made this my mindset. I was very interested to read how Kate was going through similar situations in her life as a single lady. I enjoyed how she compared her way of thinking in relationships to her Mom’s relationships & what she had learned from her mom over the years. Overall I really enjoyed Kate’s style of writing & how she had me feeling everything right along with her.